He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
