Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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