she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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