i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
