so that wasnt chicken after all
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
