In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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