What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize