the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
