fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
