we have pet lesbian snakes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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