i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
