friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
