I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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