It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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