you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
