is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
