woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
