There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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