I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
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Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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