Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just threw up on my dentist
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
