I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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