ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
