We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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