Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
