And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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