i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
