Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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