spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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