The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
