just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
