Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
