I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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