The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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