Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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