I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
