I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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