She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
