My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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