My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
