BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
