i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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