I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
