I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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