I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
