Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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