i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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