My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
