Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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