oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
