I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
