I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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