So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
