Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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