she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
