Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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