Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
