the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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