The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
