My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
