his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
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You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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