I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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