What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
