dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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