It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
