Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
