he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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