I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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