I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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