the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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