i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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