Four minutes until I can fart!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
